How to Make Friends With Social Anxiety
Let’s be honest, making friends as a kid was as simple as sharing a swing or a snack. No one warned us how hard it could feel as an adult—and even harder as a parent. Between work life, parenting, juggling multiple schedules, and the quiet pressure to already have “your people,” forming new friendships can feel overwhelming, especially if you live with social anxiety.
It can feel isolating or overwhelming when even simple social situations trigger intrusive thoughts, shortness of breath, chest pain, a racing heart, clammy hands, dry mouth, an upset stomach—and the list goes on and on.
That’s why I created this guide: a practical, low-pressure roadmap for how to make friends with social anxiety and actually find your people—on your terms.
How to Make Friends With Social Anxiety
Friendship should be nourishing, not exhausting. But for people with social anxiety, even the idea of small talk can be enough to make them cancel plans they were once excited for.
This post breaks down what social anxiety is, how it shows up in daily life, and how to start small, build confidence, and meet new people in a way that supports your mental health, instead of stressing your nervous system completely out.
What Is Social Anxiety?
Social anxiety is more than just being shy or introverted. It’s not about lacking social skills. It’s about your nervous system interpreting socializing as a threat. It’s a mental health condition marked by intense fear or self-consciousness in social situations. People with social anxiety often worry about being judged, embarrassed, going blank, losing their train of thought, or not having anything to talk about, even when those fears are irrational.
It can look like:
Avoiding eye contact or phone calls
Rehearsing conversations ahead of time
Sweating, trembling, or heart palpitations in group settings
Overthinking everything you said after the interaction ends… for days…(guilty)
You’re not alone! According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), social anxiety disorder affects a shocking 15 million adults in America at any given time. So, while not everyone has this clinical disorder, mild to moderate social anxiety symptoms are incredibly common, especially in adulthood, and during major life transitions (like parenthood).
What Does Social Anxiety Look Like?
Social anxiety can show up differently for everyone, but here are a few common signs:
Feeling physically anxious in group settings or unfamiliar social situations.
Dreading birthday parties, work networking events, or homeroom mom functions.
Canceling plans you wanted to attend because the anxiety gets too loud.
Worrying for hours—or days—after conversations.
Social anxiety is not about lacking social skills. It’s about your nervous system interpreting socializing as a threat.
What Causes Social Anxiety?
There’s no single cause, but here are a few common contributors:
Social anxiety doesn’t usually have one single cause—it’s often layered, shaped by a mix of internal wiring, new or past experiences (post-pandemic re-acclimation), and environmental inputs. For some, it’s tied to genetics or a family history of anxiety. For others, it stems from childhood experiences like bullying, trauma, or growing up under intense criticism.
Micronutrient deficiencies, iron deficiency, food sensitivities, and gene mutations that affect detox pathways—like MTHFR or histamine intolerance—can all contribute to heightened anxiety or depression, even if you're eating “healthy.” Cervical spine misalignment can also dysregulate your nervous system, making it harder to stay calm in social situations.
On a neurological level, heightened brain sensitivity can keep you stuck in fight-or-flight mode longer than necessary, making everyday interactions feel threatening. A lack of social exposure, high self-expectations, perfectionism, and constant comparison (thanks, social media) only add fuel to the fire.
How Does Social Anxiety Affect Your Life?
It Can Make You Avoid Social Situations
You might decline invitations or skip opportunities to connect—not because you don’t want to go, but because the lead-up feels mentally exhausting. Even simple plans can trigger a loop of worry: Will I say something awkward? What if I can’t think of anything to talk about? What if I leave feeling worse than I came? So you stay home, not because you don’t care, but because it feels safer.
It Can Delay or Limit Friendships
People with social anxiety often take longer to feel safe and open up, which can make forming new friendships feel harder than it should. When you're anxious in social situations, even kind people can feel hard to connect with. That hesitation can cause missed chances and prevent friendships from deepening past surface-level small talk.
It Can Impact Self-Worth
If you consistently feel awkward, embarrassed, or misunderstood in social situations, it can start to shape the way you view yourself. You may start believing you're "bad at people," or not interesting enough, or that something’s wrong with you, when in reality, your nervous system is just in overdrive. That internal dialogue is powerful, and it can quietly erode confidence over time.
It Can Create Loneliness (Even Around Others)
You might show up, go through the motions, smile at the right moments, and still feel completely alone. Social anxiety can block the ability to connect authentically, even in rooms full of people you care about. You’re physically present, but emotionally guarded, which can feel isolating and disheartening.
It Showed Up Out of Nowhere…
Post-Pandemic Anxiety
If social anxiety feels new for you, you’re not alone. Many adults began experiencing symptoms for the first time after the isolation of 2020 and 2021. The loss of regular connection, months without casual interactions, and the shift to digital everything have left many of us feeling rusty, disconnected, and more anxious in settings that once felt easy. And for some, the lingering fear of germs, overstimulation in crowded spaces, or even a growing distrust of conflicting information still makes social settings feel unpredictable and often uncomfortable. You’re not imagining it—and you’re definitely not the only one.
Post-Partum Anxiety
Social anxiety can surface, or intensify, after becoming a parent, even if you’ve never struggled with it before. According to both the National Institutes of Health (NIH) and Harvard Health, hormonal shifts during pregnancy, postpartum, breastfeeding, and perimenopause can all impact your nervous system and how you respond to stress. Fluctuations in estrogen, progesterone, and oxytocin influence mood, anxiety, and emotional regulation, especially when paired with sleep deprivation, nutrient depletion, or the mental load of caregiving.
Add in the identity shifts, the lingering germ anxiety that can plague anyone with young children, and the days when you barely recognize yourself, and it makes complete sense that showing up—mentally and physically—can feel harder than it used to.
If this is you right now, please know that you are not being dramatic. Your brain, body, and entire world are moving through massive transitions.
What’s Normal and What’s Not?
Some people are simply introverts—wired to recharge alone and feel drained by too much stimulation. Others are extroverts, fueled by connection and energized by social time. Neither is better nor worse. But knowing where you fall on that spectrum can help you better understand what kinds of socializing feel restorative—and what types don’t.
The key is learning your own rhythms: what fills your cup, what depletes it, and how to distinguish between intentional solitude and isolation driven by fear.
Because here’s the thing: social anxiety isn’t just introversion. It’s not about preferring quiet nights or small groups. It’s about fear—the fear of being judged, embarrassed, or not enough. It’s when that fear starts to interfere with connection, and makes showing up feel unsafe, even when you want to be there.
How to Make Friends as an Adult With Social Anxiety
Making friends with social anxiety doesn’t mean forcing yourself into loud rooms or pretending to be extroverted. It means starting where you are—with gentle confidence, intentional choices, and small steps that feel manageable.
Below are practical strategies for people with social anxiety who want to meet new people, build real connections, and protect their mental health in the process.
Start Small and Build Slowly
Don’t pressure yourself to jump into deep friendships overnight. Begin with short, low-stakes interactions: comment on a post, say “hi” to another mom at school pickup, sit next to the other parents at your daughter’s volleyball game. These micro-moments build social confidence and slowly retrain your nervous system to feel safe in social situations.
Choose Low-Pressure Social Situations
Skip the crowded parties and opt for slower-paced, shared-interest settings, such as mommy-and-me classes, try a session with a personal trainer or join a small workout class, where conversation is less commanding and flows naturally. Low-pressure settings help people with social anxiety relax into the moment and feel less on display.
Prioritize One-on-One Time
Group dynamics can feel overwhelming, especially if you're managing social anxiety disorder. Focus on getting to know one person at a time. Invite someone for coffee, a park playdate, or a text to catch-up. One-on-one connections allow for deeper bonding with less nervousness or overstimulation.
Lead With Shared Interests
Friendship doesn’t start with “want to hang out?” It starts with “wait—you love that too?”
Lean into your interests and passions: whether it’s wellness, low-tox living, gardening, or books, shared values take the pressure off small talk and offer a starting point for meaningful connection.
Set Realistic Expectations
Not every coffee date will lead to your new best friend (and that’s okay). Building a social circle as an adult takes time. Focus on connection over perfection, and remind yourself that every interaction is a win.
Honor Your Capacity and Recharge
Making friends with social anxiety means learning your limits. You don’t have to RSVP “yes” to everything. Tune into your body, rest when needed, and give yourself credit for every step outside your comfort zone.
Practice Safe Vulnerability
Trust builds in layers. You don’t need to spill your life story, but being just a little more open is often where connection happens. Let people in slowly. The right ones will meet you where you are.
Support Your Mental Health First
If anxiety feels like it's running the show, supporting your mental health is the best place to start. Therapy, nervous system regulation, and lifestyle changes—especially exploring your nutrition and how it impacts anxiety and sleep—can support you from the inside out and make socializing feel less intimidating.
When I became severely iron deficient during pregnancy with my son, I realized just how panicked, short of breath, and overwhelmed you can feel from something as "simple" as a nutrient deficiency. It made me keenly aware of how much our mood and mental state are affected by what’s going on in the body.
More recently, I started digging deeper through Function Health diagnostic testing—and what I uncovered changed everything. I found out I carry the MTHFR gene mutation, which affects how my body methylates and clears out histamine and toxins.
Now I understand how a gene (I didn’t even know I carried until I was 35 years old) has been the root of my anxiety likely for my entire life—and how, because of it, I’m more sensitive to the foods I eat, the chemicals I breathe in, and the products absorbed through my skin. Even the healthiest foods can trigger panic-like symptoms for me because my body can’t process histamines the way it should.
I used to think toxins just affected hormones or increased cancer risk. But the truth is, not everyone can detox from everyday exposures efficiently. And even organic, whole foods can be high in histamines, meaning what you eat can absolutely impact how anxious and unwell you feel.
If that weren’t enough, a neck injury taught me just how much spinal alignment impacts the nervous system. When my upper cervical spine is even slightly off, I become irritable, anxious, and overstimulated—especially in loud or crowded environments. It throws my entire system into fight-or-flight until I get my neck adjusted.
I highly recommend looking into diagnostic testing, seeing a fascia release therapist, a bodyworker, or exploring at-home tools like the Pulsetto vagus nerve stimulator.
Supporting your body physically can sometimes have a more profound effect on your mental health than you’d expect.
And if you're curious about your own root causes, you can use my code mabraham10 for 10% off Function Health testing. It could be a great starting point for understanding the root causes of your anxiety.
Let This Be Your Reminder
Making friends with social anxiety doesn’t mean pretending to be someone you’re not. It means allowing yourself to show up as you are—and realizing that we’re all more alike than we think.
Start small. Spend time where you feel safe. And try to remember that introverts are everywhere—and there may be more people around you who are nervous than you realize.
Give yourself grace as you navigate it all. The right people don’t need you to be perfect—they’re just thrilled when you show up, when you’re ready, just as you are.
-M.
